Looking inward, monitoring my moods and phases, one realises just how human we are. The ups and downs – the phases one gets of caring and not caring – of wanting to help someone out, picking them up from the depth of their depression and then two days later feeling so nonchalant towards anything and everything related to them. Having an overwhelming feeling of concern – or an avalanche of love and feelings one hour, then turning completely numb the next. The sway in these changes pertaining to outward and inward causes. I observe my anger today, my anger at a certain someone who yesterday I was sending prayers of the deepest love to, and the day before I was crying my eyes over. I observed my changes, the transpiration of care to numbness, the rate of each of heartbeat – whether it punched against my ribs or barely quivered in silence. I watched myself in real-time, fascinated by my own reactions to everything happening around me. Wondering, simply, just, about humanity. My own humanity. Suppose everyone else’s too. And not the consciousness here – but rather the lack of a perpetual state in any one person. Our seasons as we’re seasoned, our break as we’re broken or heal as we’re healing. Our triggers and our chill points, our barriers, walls, trespasses – within, all within; the limit of one’s heart and patience and the extent of it. The abundance of our something or the lack of it; all subjective, all relative. And then, His Constant. His Perpetual. His Always. He has not moods and phases controlling His perspectives and angles; he has not the sways – relativity – phase. Rather, it is He, who says:

‎وَاصْبِرْ لِحُكْمِ رَبِّكَ فَإِنَّكَ بِأَعْيُنِنَا

It is He, who awaits for but a temporary state from us for us to understand a perpetual state from Him. That we are taken care of by Him, we are in His eyes. Not were, not was, not will – but are. Perpetually. Whether we know it or not. Whether we want it or not. We are in His eyes.

And so this loved one of mine, who I care for one day and rage over the next. Who I hold close and dear and push away at the same time – I have no right to claim, to expect from, because I have no capacity to constantly care for, to hold as I wish I could, to love endlessly – to place in-between my eyes – because I am not Him. Because, I am human.